Carol Duschinsky

California Thankful

Lauries House (3)_0_0.jpeg

Be Thankful - An affiliate and friends house in Paradise, California

 

"The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power."

Article by Carol Duschinsky

It is the time of the year when we all remember to be thankful. And recent California events have tested those emotions. The fires have been long and deadly. Lives destroyed, property gone, our beautiful terrain marred. And then too close to our homes was the shooting of innocent young people, out for an evening of clean fun and celebration. One would think “what do we have to be thankful for?”  One would think that would be the chant, but that is not the tenor I am hearing.

I am hearing strength, faith and commitment from survivors speaking and from families of survivors speaking. For the communities a commitment to rebuilding, and from the families who lost people in the shooting, a determination to make the community a safe place to be in. How humbling is that!

California Thankful

Lauries House (3)_0_0.jpeg

Be Thankful - An affiliate and friends house in Paradise, California

 

"The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power."

Article by Carol Duschinsky

It is the time of the year when we all remember to be thankful. And recent California events have tested those emotions. The fires have been long and deadly. Lives destroyed, property gone, our beautiful terrain marred. And then too close to our homes was the shooting of innocent young people, out for an evening of clean fun and celebration. One would think “what do we have to be thankful for?”  One would think that would be the chant, but that is not the tenor I am hearing.

I am hearing strength, faith and commitment from survivors speaking and from families of survivors speaking. For the communities a commitment to rebuilding, and from the families who lost people in the shooting, a determination to make the community a safe place to be in. How humbling is that!

Being Perplexed

“You cannot score a goal when you are sitting on the bench.

To do so, you have to dress up and enter the game.”

Israelmore Ayivor

Being Perplexed

by Carol Duschinsky

“What to do, what to do, what to do?” We have all been there. The dilemma of making a decision. The big fear shrouding our brains. “What if I make a mistake?” Well what if you do? Really, are most consequences so permanent that if you do make a mistake you can’t alter your course and start again? Think of it this way – this time you will have a better opportunity to be successful, because you already know what does not work. People usually take one of 2 paths – The Lone Wolf – he/she does all his own research and models himself as a do it yourselfer in everything. Or, The Advice Seeker – he/she gets advice from everybody qualified or not, and can very easily get derailed. Believe it or not there is an art to the process of making a decision.

Career and Family – The Tug of War

“The woman I was yesterday, introduced me to the woman I am today;

which makes me very excited about meeting the woman I will become tomorrow.”

Unknown author

Career and Family – The Tug of War

by Carol Duschinsky

This used to be a women’s only issue, but times have changed. Men today are more involved with domestic life on-the-whole and they share some stress over the concerns raised when it is decided to have a family. There are Federal and Individual State laws that apply, to both the mother and the father, but the tug of war between Career and Family is still mainly a women’s issue. The “Leave It To Beaver”  household as shown on TV in the late 50’s. where the father goes off to work and the mother stays home to rule the roost and raise the children has diminished to a small % of the population. Lots of reasons for this. Cost of living, a desire to achieve outside of the home for both females and males, more women obtaining higher education, and the shifting of role responsibilities that has evolved over the decades as well as the number of single parent homes. And so there we come face to face with the big question – Is it possible for women to have it all? Will having a family damage her career, and will her career damage her family life?

A Woman’s Point of View – Suddenly Being Alone

“I am woman hear me roar.”

Lyrics from song sung by Helen Reddy

A Woman’s Point of View – Suddenly Being Alone

by Carol Duschinsky

In today’s world so many women suddenly find themselves alone, without a partner. This change arises from the death of a spouse, a divorce, or a long-term live-in relationship suddenly ended. Whatever the reason, the period following, the adjustment period is now a reality, and for most women a period of uncertainty and fear. Most women’s distress are on two levels, emotional distress and financial distress. Both need to be dealt with and faced. This is so foreign. Being the only one to evaluate and make decisions. This topic can lead to a very lengthy and complicated article, so I am going to get to the healing process, at least the healing process from my point of view.  So, to begin, ask yourself “what would you do if you were not afraid?”

Dealing with emotional distress –

Most women are more social than men. They develop deeper girlfriend relationships, and because they are usually the nurturers are closer to their children on an emotional level. So, lean on those relationships and be with people instead of grieving alone and letting all the negatives overwhelm you. But, don’t just go to them to dump all your challenges, share their friendship. Listen to their stories, laugh with them, and at times yes, cry with them. You will find that in sharing in their lives too, will result in less mental anguish about your own life.

Realize that you are learning to cope without a partner to talk it out with. Build your confidence take control. You are still you, the girl you were before you had a partner. Recall those attributes and start exercising them in your daily life. This could take some dusting off. It is natural that couples adopt a role that each play in the relationship. Now you will have the only role.

A Woman’s Point of View – Suddenly Being Alone

“I am woman hear me roar.”

Lyrics from song sung by Helen Reddy

A Woman’s Point of View – Suddenly Being Alone

by Carol Duschinsky

In today’s world so many women suddenly find themselves alone, without a partner. This change arises from the death of a spouse, a divorce, or a long-term live-in relationship suddenly ended. Whatever the reason, the period following, the adjustment period is now a reality, and for most women a period of uncertainty and fear. Most women’s distress are on two levels, emotional distress and financial distress. Both need to be dealt with and faced. This is so foreign. Being the only one to evaluate and make decisions. This topic can lead to a very lengthy and complicated article, so I am going to get to the healing process, at least the healing process from my point of view.  So, to begin, ask yourself “what would you do if you were not afraid?”

Dealing with emotional distress –

Most women are more social than men. They develop deeper girlfriend relationships, and because they are usually the nurturers are closer to their children on an emotional level. So, lean on those relationships and be with people instead of grieving alone and letting all the negatives overwhelm you. But, don’t just go to them to dump all your challenges, share their friendship. Listen to their stories, laugh with them, and at times yes, cry with them. You will find that in sharing in their lives too, will result in less mental anguish about your own life.

Realize that you are learning to cope without a partner to talk it out with. Build your confidence take control. You are still you, the girl you were before you had a partner. Recall those attributes and start exercising them in your daily life. This could take some dusting off. It is natural that couples adopt a role that each play in the relationship. Now you will have the only role.

Your Relationship with Your Phone – All Egos Aside Please!

 

“Engaging people is about meeting their needs, not yours”

                          Tony Robbins

by Carol Duschinsky

Have you ever sat in a meeting or at lunch with a friend and instead of getting their full attention it is distracted attention – quick looks at the cell phone, or “I need to take this call”, just when you are on a roll? What is the message given? “Everything else is more important”.

“I am more important”.

Or have you ever observed a parent watching their children play, or walking them in their baby carriage – parent intent on their cell phone rather than engaging with their children. How sad for both.

I would venture to say we have all been guilty of these habits without even realizing the message we are delivering. The phone has become another appendage. But in truth, it is really an object – just equipment. It should not be our point of focus most of our awake time.  So, how do we break this habit – how do we “break-up” with our phone?

The Secret Ingredient

Quote of the Day

"The way you speak to others can offer them joy, happiness, self-confidence, hope trust, and enlightment. Mindful speaking is a deep practice."

Nhat Hanh

 

 

 

 

 

by Carol Duschinsky

Pick 5 marinara sauce jars off of the shelf. Taste each one and each will taste different. They each are called Marinara Sauce each containing the basic recipe, but to each a chef has tweaked the basic recipe by adding his own secret ingredient. And so after tasting each of the chef’s recipe, you find one that suits you. The one that speaks to your taste buds and gives you that comfortable feeling.

What about your selection of a Professional Advisor? Do you look for that secret ingredient in choosing the person for that role? You know what I am talking about, that relationship that will give you that comfortable feeling like a really good marinara sauce does. A taste that stays with you. So with food it is really simple, your taste buds tell you right away – oh that is good or ugh that tastes awful. Simple analysis and decision. But dealing with human relationships is not so easy to analyze and choose. And yet there is a way to decide on the best person for you to work with. Find the right professional who has the right secret ingredients for your personality.

Possibility and Probability

Thinking Cartoon.jpgby Carol Duschinsky LPL Financial Administrative Associate

In today’s world of fast moving events, both of a positive and negative nature you often hear these two words used in an interchangeable fashion. Yet each are very distinct and in my opinion are meant to be used as a pair. I am not going to discuss their dictionary meanings, I think we are all pretty clear on those, but rather their analytical uses.

For example. If you buy a lottery ticket you have the possibility of winning. In fact you have the exact same possibility of winning as every other participant at that moment. But your probability of winning is a totally different story. It is now you against the field.

When reading the isolated terrible events of our current world, fear strikes everyone, adults and children alike. But if you apply the pair of words possibility and probability to your own thinking and in your discussions with children, that fear becomes a smaller element. Yes, the possibility of something happening to you, or to someone you know is there, but now we should measure the probability of it happening to you. Thinking more rationally just by using these two little words may help diminish fears.

My Numbers Game - Really?

by Carol Duschinsky LPL Registered Administrative Assistant

 

I always saw myself as a numbers girl. I am very comfortable with numbers. Working with them feels scientific. They are something you can measure. They tell you if you goofed somewhere -"uh you are out of balance. Better check your numbers."  Analyzing numbers is fun -sometimes. "Whoa I am over budget." Okay not always fun, I can get pretty anal posting my receipts but it is my little numbers game.  I never saw myself as creative. Ask me to do something creative and I feel like a duck out of water. But recently I read an interview with Fred Mandell on embracing creativity. Right after that I read an article about Robo-Advisors and the numbers models that they use. Now what do these two articles have in common? Well they both got my creative side thinking about numbers.

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